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Safety From Within: A Hidden Need In Pregnancy And Postpartum
During pregnancy or after giving birth, everything can feel more intense. Life seems louder. Emotions swell. Small things hit harder. You might worry about things that never used to bother you or feel oddly disconnected from yourself.
Especially if you’ve recently moved abroad, the swirl of early motherhood can feel even more intense. We often talk about rest, recovery and self-care. Maybe you’re already doing all the right things, such as eating well and resting. That might be more than enough. You feel calm, connected or maybe you’re on cloud nine. This is a good sign. Despite the fatigue and some insecurity, there’s enough space for you to process your new reality, heal and bond as a family. You feel safe: in your body, your home and with the people around you.
But what if something still feels off? This might be a sign that – on a deeper level – your body feels insecure or unsafe. Without any tangible reason. It’s a deeper kind of discomfort, one that lingers and doesn’t fade with rest. And there’s a reason for that: before rest can restore you or self-care can truly reach you, a more essential need must be met: the need to feel safe. In your body. In your home. In the hospital. With the people around you.
1. Why safety matters
2. What “safe” feels like
3. When “your village” is missing
4. Ways to reclaim safety
Why safety matters
And while we often think of safety as physical – locked doors or secure homes – emotional safety is just as vital, especially during big life transitions. What does safety in this context actually mean? And why is it so essential during motherhood? It’s simple. Your body and mind need a deep sense of safety to process what’s happening: physically, emotionally and even spiritually.
Maybe motherhood is new to you. Maybe your pregnancy is high-risk, your birth didn’t go as planned, you’ve experienced loss or you’re in a hospital where no one speaks your language. Maybe your body feels unfamiliar. Maybe the baby bliss is missing. Maybe joy itself feels too big to hold on your own. Your mind might be overwhelmed. It says: “I can’t make sense of this. I’ll just run on autopilot.” What happens next is you flip into survival mode: fight, flight or freeze.
This survival mode is useful when there’s actual danger: you’re able to flee from a threat, fight back or hide – without overthinking. But when you’re not in danger, yet still feel unsafe, it becomes a trap. Your heart rate spikes. Your focus narrows. Sleep, connection and emotional processing all become harder. Even soothing your baby can feel out of reach.
In short: it’s hard to process, heal or bond when your body doesn’t feel safe.

What “safe” feels like
So safety isn’t about locked doors or controlled and perfect plans. It’s also emotional: feeling seen, heard and held. Knowing someone truly understands, even if they can’t fix it.
It’s a felt sense. It’s when your breathing slows. Your muscles release. Your eyes relax. Safety can come from within: through breath, movement or touch. But it’s most powerfully restored through connection: a warm voice, a steady hand on your arm, eye contact or a listening ear. This is why healing is so hard when you’re feeling alone, navigating birth in a foreign country or spending time at the NICU.
When “your village” is missing
Humans are wired for connection. In ancient times, being alone meant danger and our bodies remember. That’s why pregnancy or early motherhood without your support system can feel disorienting. Many expats face motherhood without close friends, family or familiar surroundings. No shared language. No cultural shortcuts. No one who just knows what you need. When your village is missing, safety can feel far away.
Ways to reclaim safety
I understand that reading this might sting. You may now realize connection helps restore safety but your village is small or missing. Please don’t give up on me just yet. Even when the outside world doesn’t provide safety, you can begin to rebuild it from the inside out. That way, your mind calms and healing and bonding become possible.
Here are some gentle invitations – not a checklist – but a way to explore what you might need:
1. Physical grounding
- Rocking: gently sway your body, side to side or back and forth. Like you would with a child. You can hold yourself as you do it.
- Touch: a hand on your chest, a hug, skin-to-skin contact, a warm shower or holding a cup of warm tea.
- Breath: Slow your exhale. Let it deepen. Humming can also calm racing thoughts.
2. Cognitive clarity
- Write about it: what happened during pregnancy, birth or postpartum? What feels unclear or unresolved? Are there bits and pieces missing from your memory? Ask your midwife, doctor or partner what they remember. What can be named, loses some of its grip. Writing can help the brain process, file memories and soften the emotional charge.
3. Create safe rituals
- Safety lives in repetition: when you pour tea, pause. Ask: How do I feel? What do I need? A daily nap, a favorite playlist or calling your mom every morning, even if she’s far away.
4. Human connection
- Reach out: one friend is enough. Maybe you think of someone right now: stop reading and send a message instead: “Hi, I would love to catch up. Do you want to drop by for lunch?” Go online and see if you can find a community. Contact a friend who lives far away.
- Seek support: a doula, a general practitioner, a therapist or counselor, to help guide you back to your safety. One gentle step at a time.
If you’re reading this and thinking, I don’t feel safe at all, please know: you’re not broken. Your body is doing its job, it’s trying to protect you.
Safety is the foundation for everything. Your ability to rest, to process what you’ve been through, to bond with your baby and to feel like your (new!) self again, all begin with a felt sense of safety. Therefore, safety is not a luxury. It’s a basic need. Creating it, through people, clarity, rituals or support is an act of self-compassion. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a way back to safety. One breath, one touch or one conversation at a time.
→ Learn more about Gaby and her postpartum services by visiting her profile on Parentally.
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